The Consequences Of Being Apart
by Thoughtless4u
Summary: His eyebrow rose up, only a little bit. The moment she turned around and walked out of his office, he immediately felt this tiny tingle in his gut, alerting him to the fact that there might be something wrong or at least something not completely right..
1. Chapter 0: Diary

_You left the office 27 days and 9 hours ago. They held you for 27 days and 3 hours. You were in that room for 26 days and 23 hours. All that time you were alone, away from everyone you know, or thought you knew. For us, you were gone for 22 days and 12 hours. For me… For me, you were gone a lifetime._

_Right now you're still alone, somewhere, fighting for your life, fighting against the pain that consumes your whole body so deep within that no antidote is yet effective for it. The only difference is the fact that, since 5 hours and 23 minutes, we're able to watch you fight. One at a time, we stare blindly towards your face, the deepest frown possible plastered on it. None of us is capable of breaking away from that view, not while we're in the same room as you. When we change shifts, it takes strength and tears to tear away from that torn face, to leave you alone again. As we do finally leave the room and stop breathing in the same air as you do, we only wait. We wait so eagerly then to take our place again in that room, in that room you are in. For us, you give us the feeling we are helping you fight. Since 5 hours and 24 minutes already, we are at least able to pretend you're not alone. But not so deep under the surface of all of us, we know it's effortless, fruitless, in vain to stay there with you, to think you'll fight harder when we're there to fight with you. This, because you don't feel our presence. You don't know we're surrounding you, we're offering you to take away your pain. How we all wish you would just let us take away the last 28 days, 2 hours and 25 minutes of your life. How we'd love to have taken your place during that time. We're all well aware that we'd have died days ago when we'd have been in the same position you were in, but that's exactly the point. We offer you our lives, our energy, our health, our youth.. we offer you every little piece of ourselves so you could stop fighting, either one way or the other._

_Two weeks. Fourteen days. In 336 hours, give or take, your deadline will be reached. All who only so remotely feel a bit responsible for your wellbeing, gave you a deadline of two weeks to return to us. More time would be negligible as well as unethical. Negligible, because after fourteen days, the chance of you waking up is even less than negligible. Unethical, because leaving you in the cruelest place of this planet while suffering from the worst pain possible is simple unethical. For fourteen days longer, you again have to obey someone else's orders since you simple don't have another choice. They won't and aren't allowed to let you go, but at the same time they can't make you better either. Again, it gives us a feeling we're helping you. In our experience, we're making all the decisions because we want you to get better. On the contrary, not so long ago, the people surrounding you only wanted to make you feel worse. Still, it doesn't matter a thing for you. No one knows what they planted into your mind, in what kind of dark place they left you in to rot. Your mind is a wanted but unreachable spot to get in right now. Only you are there, alone still, fighting to make a decision to which ending your own story will get. The only thing we can do is hope you will make your decision within fourteen days._

_At this moment, I'm not sure for whom I'm writing down these words, for you or for myself. After hearing the schedule of your last two weeks in the state you are in right now, I have the faintest feeling I'm writing this down for myself. But I don't want to do it for myself, so I'll fool myself I am doing this for both of us till the moment I'm forced to make a decision, to choose between your last seconds or the rest of my life. Not that I'll ever forget the feeling I'm having right now, in this room. For fourteen days, I'll write down everything you need to endure, every little detail will be there. I only hope, at some point, I'm able to reread. _

_We always thought you were a loner and you were most comfortable on your own. So we left you alone to blow off some steam. We left you alone to cool down at that very faithful moment. How wrong we could have been. We never thought about the simple fact you craved for friendship and love, just as much as any other human being. We only assumed you wanted to be by yourself because you simple were always just by yourself. But you didn't start alone, you only ended up alone because of us. You started with your parents, who so tragically died while you were still so young. But then you met her, but who could have known she would only die even more tragic. A kid came along the way but he never planned on staying longer than necessary. And so you ended up alone, while loneliness was the last thing you wished for. And we assumed you wanted to be that way. You never corrected us though, and so you spent your days alone just like you did the last 28 days, 2 hours and 27 minutes. You simply never corrected us because you probably thought we would dislike you for being different than we thought you were. _

_And so at the moment, we left you alone to blow off some steam. _


	2. Chapter 1: Why don't you trust me?

_PART I: THE QUESTIONS_

Chapter one: Why don't you trust me?

Turn. There is probably no word which is as undefined and defined at the same time as turn. Undefined, because it can be used in so many contexts; turning around, turning away, turning your back on someone, turning down, turning to, turning against.. Defined, because every context brings an undeniable emotion along with it; haste, shame, hate, refusal, neediness, aversion...

When Stella turned in Mac's office, she could only think about one emotion. Betrayal. Before she walked towards his office, she was so certain she would tell him. Certain she would tell him about her taking sick daysto work on the Diakos case behind his back, working her own off-duty operation, involving Angell in her plan, tracing down the buyer for the antic coins the Greek people were after, locking the guy in a container for shipment to Cyprus, her anonymous call to 911 that Diakos had been found dead. She was so certain about the fact that truth comes before anything, and that Mac would understand this and wouldn't punish her, that he would help her as best he could. Because he was her friend. Her best friend. And she couldn't lie to him, could she? But she hadn't counted on him telling her he would take care of it, that he wouldn't sleep until the case was solved because it meant _so much to her_. It was a sacrifice only true friends would make. She got as far as a stammered 'Mac..', but that was about it. 'Nothing', she had said. _There is nothing I need to say to you. _She didn't need to tell him that she had worked against the rules of his department. She didn't need to tell him she was betraying him. She already had betrayed him, she would just have to get used to it, because it wouldn't get any better dragging him into the mess she had made for herself. Outside his office, she almost inwardly smiled out of disgust. She thought about all those criminals she hadconfronted, confessing to a murder while she just couldn't find out why they had done it. Every time they told her the same story. _You know what you are doing is wrong, but you can't stop it so you'll just make up excuses and reasons to make the wrong right and learn to live with it._ She now knew they hadn't lied about that, because now she felt the same way. Since she now had decided to not tell him the truth, to work behind his back, she needed to convince herself that what she was doing was right, so she could finish what she had started. She needed to, for the both of their sakes. So she walked on, put on her lab coat and worked on one of the unsolved cased in front of her, pretending she wanted to catch all the bad guys but meanwhile thinking about later that night when she would leave the lab and solve the one case she was interested in at the moment..who killed Diakos?

His eyebrow rose up, only a little bit. The moment she turned around and walked out of his office, he immediately felt this tiny tingle in his gut, alerting him to the fact that there might be something wrong or at least something not completely right. 'Mac..'. She had started a sentence with his name, but ended with 'Nothing.'. When she started with his name, Stella usually wanted his full attention for something that was really important to her, and she liked words, but liked deeds more, so she wouldn't just put all her energy into saying 'nothing'. His eyebrow slowly lowered itself again and he inwardly smiled. They had been friends for too long. She was too good of a friend to think any more of all of this. If something was the matter, she would have told him so. Why wouldn't she. She couldn't lie to him, could she?

Mac sat down in his chair again, letting his eyes rest on the pile of case files at both sides of his desk and he let out a sigh while closing his eyes. With eyes still closed, he grabbed the file closest within arm's reach and opening his eyes he slowly began to read. After three minutes he hadn't gotten any further than the second sentence. Was the bullet recovered or not? He focused on the words, but his brain registered nothing. He finally gave up; he let his head rest against the back of his comfortable chair and tried to clear his mind and to push away the tingle from earlier that didn't seem to want to go away, no matter what he thought. He stared at the movement in the hallways of his department and couldn't help but wonder what had changed because he couldn't think of any one of his team members that hadn't kept a secret of some sort from him_._ Danny and Lindsay hiding a relationship for almost two months which resulted in a secret pregnancy. Flack and Angell thinking that no one can tell that they are in love and dating already. Hawkes not telling him about knowing the victim on a case they were working on. Adam not telling him about his father being a bully. And now Stella.. She was his friend, his best friend, but how could he keep being so faithful? He could clearly see the integrity of the lab was failing, with everybody withholding secrets for so long. Usually Stella would have been the exception, but even she seemed to have something that she wasn't telling him. But why wouldn't she tell? Had he been too hard on her, on the team? In his opinion he had been too soft considering everything going on at the lab lately. And why did she have this strange look in her eyes the whole time he was talking about the Greek case? Does she know more about it? He saw Danny walking by his office, glancing in. He smiled and returned the wave the young team member gave him. Ahh, why was he being so difficult.. there was only one way to find out whether something was wrong with Stella or not, and that is asking her. With confidence he rose up, grabbing his wallet out of his desk. No way to start such a conversation without offering some coffee first!

After the beep heralding the results he had been waiting so long for, Adam jumped in the air in triumph.

"YES!" He only then noticed his yell of victory had been heard by other technicians because heads suddenly turned towards him with strange looks on their faces. Adam immediately slapped his hands over his mouth and tried to act normally while the results on the screen were being printed. Finally some good news! The case of a truck driver who was found in his truck, strangled with his seatbelt, got reached a dead end when none of the evidence led anywhere. But after a little brainstorming with Sheldon, both men realized they were missing a part of the belt and after Hawkes recovered it from the crime scene, Adam analyzed it and found a hair not belonging to the victim, and even got a hit on AFIS. The lab-tech looked at the printer like he was waiting for a child to be born, and after several more seconds he finally took the piece of paper and did his best not to run out of the lab as everyone was still looking at him suspiciously. Once out of the lab, in front of him he saw Stella standing at the end of the hall, and behind him was Mac walking towards the coffee machine. He made up his mind and hurried towards his female colleague. Out of excitement he stormed into the lab without knocking first which caused a startled gasp from Stella. She quickly turned around and was now holding a hand before the speaker of her mobile phone. With a little angry look on her face, she began to speak.

"What, Adam? Can't you knock anymore?" The lab-tech didn't realize, because of his excitement, she wasn't looking all that happy.

"The news I am going to tell you doesn't require knocking! I examined the missing part of the seatbelt of the tru.." But Stella didn't let Adam finish.

"Can't you see I am on the phone? Come back later will you." Adam looked puzzled.

"But it's great news.. and you are not even allowed to phone near evidence that contains electric devices.." This earned him an even angrier look from Stella.

"Leave, Adam." His mouth hung open for a fraction of a second but then Adam turned around and walked out of the lab, his excitement from only seconds ago now replaced by disappointment and astonishment. While looking down at the ground, he didn't notice at first that his boss was on the exact some path on the opposite side of the hall, looking down at the cups of coffee, and with a big bang both men collided into each other. A startled scream from Adam and a loud growl from Mac was the result. With some handy techniques, both men succeeded in not spilling coffee over the page Adam was holding, and most of the coffee spilled on the floor. Adam immediately began to stammer apologies.

"Oh, boss, I am sooo sorry, I was too lost in thoughts, it is my fault, I am sorry, Mac, truly I am!" After a deep sigh, Mac smiled.

"Please, relax, Adam! It was not like you shot me or anything." This resulted in a surprised look from the lab-tech.

"But why would I shoot you? I would never shoot you. I don't even have gun, I.." Mac chuckled at the answer from the guy in front of him.

"It was a _joke_! So, what did we save?" Mac's eyes pointed towards the paper Adam was still holding." Adam's excitement from earlier came back again.

"Oh, there're the results of the missing piece of the seatbelt Dr. Hawkes found in the truck of the murdered truck driver case we started on two days ago. I wanted to tell Stella, but she was too busy." This earned Mac's attention.

"What do you mean, busy?" Before he realized what he was doing, Adam was spilling out everything to his boss.

"I just came in and she was talking on the phone and she didn't want me to tell her the results but instead I needed to come back later." He shoved his hands over his mouth for the second time today. "Oops." Mac's eyes narrowed till only two little stripes of green, inwardly hurting his brain over the question why Stella wouldn't want to hear this major news. He only then noticed Adam was still closing his mouth with his hands.

"Go tell Hawkes the results, okay? He's also on the case." With a quick nod, Adam turned around and jogged away while getting out his cell to call the doctor.

Meanwhile, Mac was still standing in the corridor, staring into the now almost empty cups in his hand. His head turned slowly towards the lab Stella was standing in, still on her cell phone. He needed to trust her. He needed to give her space to tell him herself. While convincing himself in all kinds of ways to go back to his office, he couldn't control his feet and before he knew it, he was standing next to the door of the abovementioned lab, just out of sight of his coworker, eavesdropping on the fierce conversation Stella was having.

"Jen, please, you want this too, right?" Silence at Stella's side of the phone, the person on the other side was now probably talking. After a couple of seconds, the female detective started speaking again.

"I know, I know. But we are so close now, it is just a matter of days till we catch these guys." Silence again. "He won't find out, he doesn't suspect anything, no we are not betraying him, we are just doing some research that's all, no it is not a good idea to tell him, it will only make things worse, he doesn't need to know, yes let's meet tonight. Okay, thanks Jen, I won't forget this. Okay, see you, bye." Finally, Stella hung up the phone. A deep sigh was heard through the glass walls of the lab, before she picked up the magnifying glass and started working again on the evidence in front of her.

Mac was still standing against the wall, his eyes looking into nothing but space. The world around him didn't exist anymore. He didn't notice all the people passing him by, some of them trying to say hello but gave up when they saw the look on his face. A questioned and at the same time angry look. So he was right. He was right all along about the fact that Stella was holding something back from him. The feeling in his gut he had before had now turned into a big lump in his throat. _He won't find out. We are not betraying him. Just doing some research. _He kept repeating the ending of the conversation he overheard in his head. She was doing something in secret, something potentially dangerous, and she was not telling him on purpose. He was not only her friend but also her boss, and what she was doing was not right. His face turned into a determined look. He pushed himself away from the and walked with a firm speed away from the lab his female colleague, his friend, was standing in. With a clang, he threw the cups of cold coffee in the trashcan nearby and walked back to his office, still not noticing any of his surroundings. There was only one thing on his mind.

Finding out the truth.


	3. Chapter 2: Why don't you tell me?

**Hello! I know you read this story, so please let me know what you think :) Reviews are sincerely appreciated, about everything! **

Chapter two: Why don't you tell me?

With a big move, Mac pushed all the files, ballpoints, papers and his cell phone out of his way and shoved it all to one side of the table. Cases could wait, unrecovered bullets could wait, e-mails could wait, phone calls could wait. Even if he would consider getting his mind back to work again, it wouldn't matter because he couldn't get rid of that one conversation of Stella on the phone. He knew it will haunt him forever if he didn't find out the truth right away. His plan of asking her about her problems face-to-face was now completely vaporized. During the talk it became clear she wasn't going to tell him anytime soon. And about who else than him could she be talking about? She doesn't need to explain her actions to anyone but him, so the subject of the conversation could have been only him and no one else.

With his eyes filled with determination, his brain started working about possible clues how he could find out what Stella was working on behind his back. It must be the Greek case, nothing else would have such an effect on her as that case. Mac straightened his back and placed his hands about his keyboard but somehow, his fingers stopped moving right before they touched the letters. At least a hundred bells started ringing in his head. _Don't do this, you will lose her as your friend, maybe even as your colleague. _He tried to shake the thoughts out of his mind, but by doing so they only became worse. _You will ruin everything once you dig up her files, once you start following her tracks. Don't do it. Just don't. _His eyes danced between his fingers and the computer screen in front of him, which now had the NYPD logo dancing around the corners as a screensaver, completely in peace with its movements. Whenever he would touched that board, he would disturb that peace, an action that'd maybe even lead to war. And war was never good, he knew that by experiencing it from up close. But on the other side were the bells which were telling him that he had already gone too far, it wouldn't get any better if he'd stop now. He already damaged their strong friendship, bound most of all by trust. That trust got shattered into big pieces at the moment he decided to stand against the wall of that lab Stella was standing in, instead of walking in it and confronting her. It wouldn't make any difference if those little big pieces of broken trust would end up in small pieces, once broken is forever broken. He also knew he wasn't the only one to blame, she had already made all those little cracks in their trust at the moment she decided not to tell him all the things she was so busy with that she couldn't even find the time anymore to listen to evidence that would maybe even solve a case. Wasn't that her job, solving cases? Yes, he also needed to look her up to save that little bit of integrity this lab still had. His lab. It was his responsibility.

Finally his mind decided to give up and it let him disturb the peace. His fingers touched the enter button and the NYPD screensaver disappeared only to end up in a NYPD background on Mac's desktop. He logged onto the internal system and went searching for the Greek case. He went through all of it, who worked on it in the beginning, the progress till now, the lab work done, all the evidence that was collected. At that last part, Mac stopped dead in his tracks and looked at the screen. He was right. The two antic coins that were collected were removed from storage. He clicked on the items to find out who removed them. The one name he was not ready to see, popped up. Dt. Stella Bonasera. His heart skipped a beat and the corners of his mouth curled up, just like what happened in every situation that took him by surprise. She took the coins from evidence and didn't return them yet. What'd she do with those coins? On the paper filled out for getting the coins was written: double checking. No, those coins were already double checked on every trace possible, a third time wouldn't make any difference. Plus, he hadn't seen her working on them at any moment. But she was hiding it from him, so maybe she did her in her free time. But no, she had taken some sick days, she couldn't possibly be checking those coins because she simply wasn't here at that time. Now he thought back, she didn't sound sick at all earlier when she came by his office so he could tell her Diakos was found.

Mac's brain was working overdrive, but there were just too much possibilities for Stella to take those coins from evidence. He needed to find out the only one true reason. No way she was going to tell him, especially not after she would find out what he had done behind her back till now. Mac only then thought back about the conversation and also about Stella calling a name during it. _Jess. _While staring at the file on the screen in front of him, he tried to think of as many Jess's as he could, but he ended up with only one Jess he knew all too well. Dt. Jessica Angell. Jess. She was clearly involved in all of it, and thinking back about the conversation, Mac had a dark feeling Angell wasn't all that happy about all the secrecy around it. She was his only chance of finding out the truth. He glanced at his watch. 6.10 pm. He knew Stella's shift ended at 6, and big chance she would head straightly from here to Angell. He needed to act fast if he wanted to know. He quickly stood up out of his chair and grabbed his jacket, not at all thinking about retrying to drink a cup of coffee or eat something.

_Thirty minutes later…_

Jessica Angell was walking around in very little circles on the same spot for 10 minutes now. The moment Mac called and asked if they could meet in about thirty minutes in Brooklyn Bridge Park about a very important matter, her blood pressure immediately doubled itself. He knew. She had warned Stella about this moment, because sooner or later Mac would find out. He always found those things out, he is the head of the crime lab of one of the most criminal states of the USA for Christ's sake, of course he would find out. But it was strange that he asked to meet in the Park instead of at his office or the police station. Maybe he didn't know quite yet, or just a part of it. Anyway, it won't matter because she was, while standing in the park alone wondering around over the Hudson river, going to tell him as much as he needed to know. That was the plan with Stella all along. She would join her, help her with her search for Diakos and whomever killed him, but that was as far as she'd go. She was not going to betray her badge, so whenever Mac or anyone else would ask about it she'd tell them. And Stella completed understood, she wasn't asking to put it all at risk just for her, she was just asking for some help and she had giving it to her so she could keep an eye on her colleague at the same time. Therefore, she was now ready for him, for Mac, not afraid anymore about the consequences this conversation might lead up to.

From behind she heard a car approaching closer than all the other cars that drove by since the time she was standing there, so she knew it was him. Angell heard her sort of boss open and close the door, his footsteps now entering the park. Jennifer didn't move and kept facing the river, her back towards him. He coughed twice to let her show his presence. She hated this moments. The moments of truth. With a deep sigh she slowly turned around.

"Mac."

"Detective Angell. Jessica."

"What can I do for you, Mac?" The mentioned detective made a couple of more steps towards the female cop, studying her behavior in the meanwhile. She was standing completely still, totally in balance, no look of defense on her face, neither did it show any sign of suspicion. She knew why he had called her and from the looks of it, she was ready to take the hit.

"I am sorry I called you after your shift, but I needed to know." Angell didn't blink.

"You needed to know what, exactly?"

"The coins." Jessica now blinked. The coins. Of course it were the coins he had found out about, it's all about the evidence with Mac. She didn't move, but instead of looking just besides his face in the distance, she now looked him directly in the eye.

"We used them to lure the dealer towards a container." Mac swallowed hard. So it was true. It was all true and with two little words he was going to hear the whole story he wasn't sure he was ready for.

"Go on." Angell switched her eyes to the direction of the river again, not knowing if she could look at him anymore without seeing the friendship of Mac and Stella shattering apart in the reflection of his sclera.

"With some of our tricks he told us where we could find Diakos only to find Diakos dead a couple of hours later." Mac narrowed his eyes. _They_ had found the body of Diakos. Stella was the person who made the anonymous phone call to 911. In his imagination he wanted to hit his head against a wall because of his own stupidity, but he needed to stay focused now, he needed to hear the rest of the story.

"What did you do with the other guy?" Now it was time for Angell to bow her head, because this was the part she was the most afraid and ashamed of.

"We put him in a shipping container and deported him to Cyprus where he will be waited for and arrested."

"What? Because the guy has diplomatic immunity here?" Mac was getting furious.

"He was too dangerous to let him walk, we needed to do something." Now was the part coming when she needed to tell him who thought of all of this. She knew Mac was preparing himself for the question, noticeably by the little pause of silence there was hanging between the two detectives. After ten seconds, he finally said the last words.

"Who's idea was this operation, detective?" No Jessica anymore, no Angell, just detective. He was definitely truly pissed off. She turned towards him, but she couldn't say it out loud. She just couldn't.

"Don't make me say it, Mac." Her eyes sent out a plead, trapped and surrendered at the same time. She expected him to walk away furiously, to start yelling at her, pushing her to say it. Instead, he slowly stepped forward and gently laid down his hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks. Thank you, Jess." He tried to give her a smiled but failed. Next he bowed his head slightly, showing his own defense also. He suddenly turned around and quickly walked back towards his car and drove off, leaving Angell underneath the Brooklyn Bridge.

The accelerator pedal of his SUV was just too tempting to resist. His hands were tightly holding the steering wheel, his knuckles white because of the pressure. Not that it was truly necessary; he didn't use the wheel much but instead was just heading straightforward, only using his right foot. He stopped watching the speed he was driving with a while back, just paying attention to the road ahead of him now, trying to avoid other cars.

Mac's mind was soon going to blow by the looks of it, but the middle-aged detective just couldn't help it. _She had betrayed him so badly. _No matter what he thought, he just couldn't understand _why._ Didn't he always listen to her whenever she needed him, whenever she needed a shoulder? Did he ever ask her something? She had done nothing for him since a long time, and he hadn't asked her to. Just this one simple question not to get involved in the Greek case and she had ignored it. He thought and he thought and he thought, but he couldn't think of one good argument why she would have done this. So he drove. He drove towards nothing, knowing that if he would head back to the lab immediately and confront her, he was going to explode. Explode out of anger, but most of all out of helplessness. He had lost his best friend because of her eager. He didn't need to bet on it to know Angell had already informed Stella about the little conversation they had under the most famous bridge of New York. He knew she was waiting for him, but he didn't know how she was going to react. Maybe she was angry too, maybe she did think about a good explanation for her behavior, or maybe an apology. But he wasn't sure he was capable of accepting the apology, he wasn't sure how he would react anyway.

After thirty minutes of wild aimless driving, he suddenly hit the brakes which earned him a couple of honks, and he made a big steer to the right parking his car in an access road. There was only one way to find out the truth and the reactions from both of them, and that was by confronting her. He had been too cowardly to confront her earlier today, so this was the moment to make up for it. With a quick glance, he pushed the accelerator pedal again and took a 180 degree corner a-la James Bond, drove through the central reservation and got to the opposite side of the roadway, now heading back towards the biggest confrontation he was going to have.

_Meanwhile…_

With a hard push, Stella tried to let the red button on her phone exit through the back of the phone. Her face was now sending out an exploding warning. She raised her hand in which she was holding her phone high up in the sky, preparing to smash the object into the kitchen table in front of her as hard as possible. But she didn't. She stood there, her arm still raised in her hand, but she didn't smash it. Instead, she slowly regained something of a normal breathing pattern again after several minutes, finally cooling down from the phone call she just had received from Angell. He had found out about the coins, and Jen had told him the rest. So this was how it was going to end. He was looking her up behind her back, asking questions about her behind her back, and he was even going to be rewarded for it. One big applause for you, detective Mac Taylor, you once more live up to your reputation of being the best detective and the best boss of the whole world. _Damn it._ Not giving any other than bad thoughts space to make their way up to her brain, she thought about all the energy she had put in this case, and that she now would never find out how killed Diakos. Mac was going to report her actions to whoever had the job to kill other one's careers, and she would probably lose her badge too. No, she was not going to surrender so easily. Stella almost ran towards the corridor, not bothering to get her coat, quickly grabbing her keys and smashing her front door closed, heading towards the CSI department.

_Sixty minutes later…_

He still wasn't here. Stella was now standing in Mac's office for more than thirty minutes, pacing around the room in the meanwhile. He must have headed straight to internal affairs, rattling her out. Not many knew, but Mac could be very impulsive if he was angry or pissed off. Just when she almost started to think about the maybe still existing positive side of her boss, she heard the elevator beeping. The lab was almost empty now, most employees had headed home at least one hour ago. She didn't need to look it was him coming out of the elevator, but she looked anyways. He firstly looked angry, but after spotting her standing in his office, his facial expression softened again. He approached the office, walking slowly, which made Stella only angrier and more unreasonable. But she wasn't thinking about unreasonable, she didn't know she was only thinking about herself at the moment, she just didn't care. He could get the fight if he wanted to, but she was planning on making the rules.

Mac slowly opened the glass door to his office, but right after he let go of it, Stella walked towards it and shoved it close with one hard push which made Mac look up in surprise. Her face was now red from anger and uncontrollably and without thinking she started to speak.

"How dare you! You thought it would be a good idea to talk about me behind my back?" Mac was totally taken by surprise when Stella blurred out these thoughtless sentences. So much for the easy way out. There was no pretending anymore, no way back. Their fight had now officially started, neither one of them thinking about the consequences.

"You are blaming me for _talking _behind your back? You _worked_ behind my back, you took sick days while you weren't sick at all, you threatened a guy with diplomatic immunity, you even locked him up in a shipping container for Christ's sake!" Stella didn't notice she was only reacting on the one thing she knew an answer to.

"Oh, excuse me mister Perfect, but not all of us live to work, some try to work so they can live." Mac was hurt more then he thought he would be by this comment. He wasn't planning on going as low as she was going.

"I asked you to not get involved in this Greek case, but instead of telling me the problems you had with that decision, you agreed and started doing dangerous things without me knowing it!" Stella sniffed sarcastically after this.

"Ha, dangerous. Don't pretend you give a damn about it being dangerous, you only think about that stupid reputation of yours." Mac shrank back from this so untrue comment of her, recovered himself but Stella didn't give him the time to respond, meanwhile approaching him.

"You are always trying so hard to be a hero, trying to save all the people in the world from everyone and everything. But the only thing you really think about is _you. _If you weren't so interested in yourself and your little title, you maybe would have noticed all those secrets hanging around in the lab. But no, mister detective himself didn't have the time for it."

"Stella.." Mac tried to be as reasonably as possible, but she wouldn't listen. There was no stop anymore, it was like she just drained three liters of vodka.

"Don't Stella me, Mac. It's enough. You have gone too far, going to internal affairs right away without even informing me." At this, Mac's eyes and mouth opened widely, but Stella didn't notice it and continued.

"I have enough of you. You can push me off cases whenever you like, you can even take my badge, but I am not giving up this case. I am going to find out who killed Diakos and you can't stop me, no matter what you do." With those words said, Stella turned around and exited the office, closing the door with the same big push she had closed it before they had started this fight. With a head still red of anger, she walked towards the elevator and out of Mac's sight, possible forever.


	4. Chapter 3: Why don't you betray me?

**Please read and review! **

Chapter three: Why don't you betray me?

For at least the third time today, Mac wasn't able to move. Speechless and horrified about the scene that happened before his eyes just minutes ago, he didn't have the strength to move his legs. But his legs were to walk away, they wanted to finish the unfinished. They wanted to walk towards Internal Affairs, making him tell everything like he was supposed to. Whenever something happens against protocol, for instance like one of your subpoenas inducting their own investigation, it was required to notify Internal Affairs.

Mac felt his legs tingling, forcing him to move away from the spot he was now standing on for ten minutes. He looked down, not knowing what to do, not knowing what to feel. He still couldn't believe all the things Stella had just said. _Mister Perfect. Live to work. Don't pretend to give a damn. Only interested in yourself._ Was it true, did he only think about himself? His mind was racing from the right half of his brain to the left, the reasons and the emotions were having a dog fight and they were ripping apart his heart. Finally it all permeated through.. he had lost her. The way she looked at him when she said all those words… it didn't matter if these words were right or wrong, she believed it. She believed he was only interested in himself.

Since he was staring at the floor, deep into his sad thoughts, Mac didn't hear the footsteps walking towards his office, the knock on the door and the door being opened.

"Mac?" Mac almost jumped in the air out of surprise, his face now looking straight into the eyes of the man in front of him.

"Hey Mac, are you alright?" Danny didn't move, not sure what was going on with his boss. The younger detective used the time Mac was recovering from the surprise, to take a good look at him. Mac's face was extremely pale, his eyes were wide open and a drop of sweet was near his temple. Looking down a bit, Danny also saw the redness of his boss's palms, indicating he was probably severely angry. Danny had seen Stella leaving in a hurry, her face not pale like Mac's, but red and furious. Suddenly Danny realized Mac was still looking at him with wide eyes, not said a word in the meantime. The younger man approached him slowly.

"It is okay man, it's just me. Say something okay? You're having me worried." Finally some motion came out of the older man.

"I.. I'm sorry." Mac's stutter didn't exactly make Danny more at ease with the whole situation.

"What do you mean, you're sorry?" Danny couldn't help but mimic the surprise look Mac was so dear hanging onto.

"I..I.. What are you doing here?"

"I saw Stel leaving looking like a madman and you aren't that good-looking yourself at the moment, Mac. I just want to know if you're alright." Mac quickly turned around to look at himself in the window showing New York City in a nice moonlight. Because of the darkness outside, Mac could have a good look and saw what Danny was referring to; he really did look like hell. He turned around again and shook his head, failing to produce a smile.

"It's just.. it's complicated Danny, but it'll all work out soon. So, why are you not home yet?" Danny wasn't satisfied with his boss's answer but continued anyway, wisely letting the conversation drop for now.

"I was heading there. I only get nervous at home you know." Mac didn't respond to the younger man's move to get his attention.

"Okay. See you tomorrow then." Danny shrugged, giving up.

"Yeah. Bye, Mac. Don't blow your head off okay?" Danny tried once more but then let it go and left the office and headed to the elevator as well, a questioned look on his face.

Mac followed Danny with his eyes, trying to put all the pieces together what was happening around him. If he would decide to notify Internal Affairs, he wouldn't be the only one losing a friend, but Danny and the rest of the team too. And no matter what she did, Stella was still one of the best detectives in the city, so the city would also lose a friend. He couldn't tell, not today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow he had cleared his head, finally thinking straight again. With a big sigh, Mac finally moved and made the same trip Stella and Danny had done before him, to the elevator, the garage, his car and his home.

_6:00__ am the following morning…_

Mac had tried to sleep but it was in vain. He had turned and turned around in his bed, sweating all around, and he had ended up on his back with his eyes wide open, with only his boxers still on. He eventually switched off his alarm clock, knowing he wasn't going to need it anyway. For hours he was looking to his crystal white ceiling, seeing the events of the past day dancing around like a comic strip. The hope he would be wiser this day, he would know what to do about all of it, didn't work out; instead, he was now even more confused than yesterday. He had thought about all the pros and cons of reporting Stella to IA, but every time he came up with the same conclusion: he simply didn't know what to do. With his eyes locked onto the ceiling, he slightly startled when his phone vibrating at the end of his night stand. He reached to it and held the phone above his head, trying to focus on the screen in front of him. It was a notification. _Seven am, conference room, crime lab. _Mac's eyebrow rose. Hmm, what could be so important to tell at 7 am in the morning? Feeling a headache coming up because of all the thinking, the lack of sleep and lack of enough food and liquid, he slowly rose out of bed and made his way to the kitchen, deciding to only make some coffee while heading towards the bathroom for a quick shower. The quick shower soon became a long shower and after putting his clothes on, he noticed the time and rapidly made his way to the doorway, totally forgetting about his so needed morning coffee.

After twenty minutes Mac arrived at the NYPD, parked his car in the garage and headed towards the conference room still not knowing what to expect. When he noticed he was the only one in the elevator, he took a glance at his watch. Oh damn, 7.15 am. The metal doors of the elevator finally opened and Mac almost ran past all of the labs and his own office to head straight to the conference room. Arriving there, he opened the door at quiet as possible, quickly standing against the nearest wall at the back of the room. He looked around and saw everybody of the crime lab and of more departments in the building in the room. When his eyes finally reached the podium, his breathing suddenly stopped.

Stella was standing on the podium with the biggest smile on her face, next to her Det. Angell who looked a bit dubious, and between them was a guy with his hands in handcuffs behind his back. Suddenly the muffled sounds of the people in the room were overwhelmed by a voice through a microphone.

"First of all, a good morning to all of you I woke up." Sinclair was speaking through the microphone, obviously wearing the best suit he had. His first sentence earned him a chuckle from a part of the crowd.

"This night, a major case has been solved by these two fine detectives here." His hand pointed towards Stella and Angell, and Stella's smile grew even wider.

"Thanks to the outstanding performance of Detective Bonasera and the support of Detective Angell, we have found the man responsible for killing the Greek fugitive Diakos, and found the collection of antic coins who were stolen in Cyprus!" After Sinclair had finished, a loud applause was heard in the conference room. Two cops were coming forward and let the handcuffed guy between Stella and Jessica stand, after a bigger applause was heard together with a loud 'boo'. The cops took the guy to the back and his place was now taken by Sinclair himself, pulling both the female detectives close to him by their shoulders.

"Yes, give these detectives a loud applause, they earned it!" The applause went on a while longer, while some of those present climbed up the podium and congratulated Stella and Angell, which Stella took gracefully and Angell just nodded once in a while, still not sure what to think of the whole situation.

All the while the scene was happening in front of him, Mac didn't breath. When he saw Flack and Adam coming up to Stella and Jessica, he felt a growing tingle in his head, warning him about the lack of oxygen in his body. But Mac was still not able to breath, expressing his disbelief for the 5 minutes that just passed by. She had solved the case in one night. She found the guy, God knows how, and now she is showing with him, taking credit for it. It was just unbelievable. Mac have known Stella for so long now, and he also knew she didn't like to be in the picture, especially not next to a criminal. This wasn't happening. Mac's eyes were now moving quickly, dancing around in the room, desperately trying to find a clue that he was still dreaming, that he was having a nightmare. But nothing indicated that. He was snapped out of his trance by a patch on his shoulder. He surprisingly looked up and saw one of the guys from the other team of CSI's in front of him with a big smile on his face.

"Congrats man, Bonasera did a fine job there, I'm sure you helped her achieving this victory." Dumbfounded, Mac could only answer with a mumbled 'thanks', probably not even hearable for the guy in front of him. When he looked around in the room once more, he noticed that all of those present were now heading to the exit again. Angell had also been taking by Flack and was now probably having sex in an interrogation room. Soon, Mac was the only one still on the floor of the conference room. He slowly looked up to the podium, seeing Stella looking down to him from upstairs. Her smile had faded, the determined look had stayed. She was now slowly getting off the stage, walking towards him. Only then, Mac noticed she was still wearing the same clothes as last night. The green top, the tight black pair of jeans and her always lovable black heels. Her hair was messy, indicating she didn't take a shower since last night at least.

Mac didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do, so he just stood there, waiting till his best friend moved closer to him until she was standing 10 feet away from him.

"You're not going to congrats me?" Stella's eyes betrayed a deep sense of sarcasm. Mac knew, because he was staring into them like he needed to hang on to them for his life's sake.

"What did you do?"

"I caught the guy who killed Diakos, couldn't you hear?" Stella was not planning on giving up her sarcasm so soon.

"How?"

"By following the evidence. Nothing illegal about that. I did some unpaid overtime that's all. Oh, with your permission by the way." Stella didn't smile, but her eyes betrayed a deep feeling of shame, Mac could see. She had used him once more, pushing him into a situation in which on the one hand he would be the only one taking the heat when there was any heat to be taken, and on the other hand it was impossible to tell anyone the truth otherwise the guy Stella just caught would go free because of an unlawful investigation. Penetrating all this info, Mac just couldn't take it anymore. He pushed himself off the wall and with two big steps he stood in front of his once so beloved female colleague.

"You did WHAT? You thought you didn't use me enough already?" Mac's face became red out of anger, but Stella didn't flinch.

"It was easy, actually. Once I found out you didn't report me yet at IA, I took the opportunity to go on with my investigation. By not reporting me, you strictly gave me permission to go on, you can't deny that."

"What is happening to you, Stella? When did you became the Devil himself?" Now it was Stella's turn to get angry.

"Since the moment you're not able to do your job anymore, _Mac._ Maybe you should take a break, a little vacation, so you're able to, I don't know, _think normally _again." Mac's eyes were now spitting fire.

"You take that back!" Stella suddenly took her distance, heading towards the exit. Once there, she turned around to say one last thing.

"I mean it. You're not focused anymore. It happens when you work too much and when you're getting too much involved in things not related to work." Mac could suddenly see the truth in Stella's eyes.

"Take the break, Mac, and we talk about all of this afterwards. You really should. I will cover for you." With that, Stella turned around and left, leaving Mac alone in the big conference room with only her words hanging around to accompany him.


End file.
